Wait, Conflicker isn't some online prisoner photo repository? Damn.

If your lemonade is pink, the terrorists have won.

I wonder what it would be like to own a bi-plane. I'm incredibly bi-curious.

I kissed Soulja Boy through the phone and I still got AIDS. He can
crank the Robocop all he wants, but I'm still pissed.

Prescription drug commercials scare me. If I'm to the point where I'm making suggestions to my doctor, it's probably time to find a new one.

I can't enter my parent's church building without thinking "pew pew pew pew!" I bet even Jesus would laugh at that one.

Overheard on the radio: "Get your marriage on." Will proceed to get my "Weep-for-humanity" on.

I'd like to get two tattoos of t.A.T.u. getting a tattoo of Tatooine.
As you might have guessed; I've nothing to do tonight.

The Jeep Wrangler convertible is the bisexual car of the motoring universe.

Them: I need a website!
Me: Okay, what do you want it to say?
Them: I have no idea!
Me: What do you you want it to do?
Them: What?

The only reason people pick the White Album or Pet Sounds as best album of all time is because it's hard to narrow it to one Jock Jams CD.

This promise ring on my fingers indicates that I promise to never ever listen to the Jonas Brothers.

Happy St. Patrick's day. Does anybody know if they ever found the Leprechaun in Mobile, Alabama? I wanna know where da gold at.

Being a homosexual snake would be hard, because nobody would know if you had a lisp, or if you were just talking all snake-like.

If this line at the bank were any longer, John Woo would be directing it.

Also, if I were a homosexual, I'd keep my to-do list in a folder and call it my "Gay Agenda." I'd totally push it on people.

If I were a famous African-American midget, I'd call my autobiography "My Little Black Book." - A boy can dream, can't he?

You think the economy is rough for you? The Power Rangers is being canceled after 17 years. Who's going to employ the Putty Patrol?

Is there anything that can't be blamed on the economy? "Sorry I couldn't make your baby shower - but you know, with the way economy is.."

It's interesting when you initially don't want to accept family on Facebook, but then realize they're the only ones paying attention to you.

I'm going to start a band called "Various Artists," you already have a couple of our CDs.

Breaking up with an R&B singer seems really annoying

Ne-yo is doing commercials for Overstock.com now? I'm _so_ going to bed mad at him tonight.

I think I might be back from my week hiatus. Did you guys know there's a whole world out there? Dangerous thinking, I know.