You say "potato," I say "please quit yelling random vegetables at me, you're scaring me."

Being a Pokemon lifeguard is tough, but I'm pretty good at meowth-to-meowth.

It ain't over 'til Jordin Sparks sings.

Birth certificates have a liberal bias.

Birth certificates have a liberal bias.

Looking to work on a project with a web developer who's knowledgeable about the Twitter API. Get in touch if you're interested.

Front Desk? It's Jamie again. I'd like to order-in some food, I'm hungry like the wolf.

Front Desk? Yes, I'd like to schedule a wake up call for "before I go-go." Can you please not leave me hanging like a yo-yo? Appreciate it.

I'm sad to we live in a society where "MADE WITH REAL CHEESE" is a selling point.

Wait, the show "Whale Wars" isn't about Twilight fans?

Filipinos are like the Mexicans of the Asians

The day after comic-con, 400 Slave Leias, 198 Jokers, and 50 Wonderwomans all go back to their depressing existence working at Best Buy.

I should take a cue from FreeCreditReport.com and start FreeCarWash. (CarWash is free after you sign up for a $20/month clean car mailer.)

That wedding video was brilliant viral marketing for Chris Brown. Are we able to start liking him again?

I don't understand why "The Dog Whisperer" is such a big deal - I've been whispering to my dogs all week and it seems hardly effective.

I don't understand people who describe themselves as "Foodies" - are there people out there who don't enjoy food?

How do I spend Saturday nights? Why live-tweeting an online Scrabble game. Single ladies please form a single-file line. (NO PUN INTENDED!)

"Going to shank T-Dubs tonight in the lunch line. PLEASE RT! #shanking"

Locked Up on MSNBC is really eye-opening. I had no idea cell phones in prisons were an epedemic. They must _really_ be addicted to Twitter.

Sure we don't get Universal Health Care like Canada does, but we get Hulu. I think it's an adequate trade-off.

I might need to fire my dyslexic nutritionist. I haven't lost any weight despite her putting me on a rigid low-crab diet.

Adobe AIR: Eating more memory than a hemorrhaging zombie since 2008.

BlogHer: For the woman who finds Lilith Fair way too exciting.

The Dow breaks 9000 for the first time in 6 months and none of you made an "It's Over 9000" joke? I very disappointed in all of you.

Being Lil Wayne's physician would be annoying: "Motherf**ker I'm Ill!" / "Yes Mr. Carter I know, you've said that 10 times already."

Why do half of marriages fail? Because most don’t start like this: http://tr.im/tKgx

Amazon you fools! You were supposed to buy Zombo.com ! Not Zappos.com , what were you thinking?!

I wonder if the Taco Bell dog's last moments were dramatic: "Yo quiero un desfibrilador! Claro! Nooooo! No muera en mi! Claro!" *bzzzt*

Boston Market's new marketing slogan should be "Boom! Roasted."

What kind of a prediction is "50% Chance of Rain." Isn't that the chance every single night? Oh you shrewd meteorologists..

That relationship was like LinkedIn; kinda cool at first but then became a boring obligation that I didn't really see a need for in the end.

I'm kinda sad Glenn Beck didn't have his own show back in 1969, It'd be fun to see him claim the moon landing is a march towards socialism.

Christopher Columbus was the Carlos Mencia of world exploration.

2 Good Ways to Connect Twitter with your Gmail account: http://tr.im/tlSi

The Pope tripped and broke his wrist the other day - once again, proving that he is fallable.

Wow, I guess my family and friends are really into David Hasselhoff. They made him a cake for his birthday and everything yesterday.

Upon turning 24 tomorrow, the part of Jamie Martin will be played by Jack Bauer.

The kids from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters could waste any of the wusses in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry YEAH I SAID IT

Someday I'd like to market my own line of rodent-removal products. I'll use the tagline "IT'S A TRAP!"

I want to go take a fisherman's catch and tell him it's for "Bass-steal" day, we'll have a good laugh.

Hey girl, it's Bastille day - so let's go cause an uprising back at my place.

This bread is either really multi-grain or really moldy. My life is full of said excitement.

The copy is very rough & will be changed & I haven't touched the blog yet - but tell me what you think of the new http://jamiemart.in/ :)

Disappointed to find out that the "Bruno" modeling movie isn't about Bruce Willis

"It appears that you attempted to register for this forum using the wrong form. Please use the form below to register." *brain explodes*

7/11 - Never Forget