Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's snowing here in Mesa, Arizona - WTF

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Lynx: The Internet in Dwarf Fortress mode

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Anyone can write
haiku. You just stop at the
seventeenth syllab

Monday, December 06, 2010

Nerd secret: If anybody you know calls in sick tomorrow to work/school - they're really at home playing WoW: Cataclysm

Thursday, December 02, 2010

That's one of the most impressive football games I've ever seen. #BeatCats
To master the internet you must first master its three crafts: Starcraft, Warcraft, Minecraft.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

A rainbow is God's covenant that he will always refract sunlight through the full visible spectrum of the sun's white light

Monday, November 29, 2010

This football game feels like airing our dirty laundry out on ESPN.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Wanna know a place where Black Friday sales happen every day? It's called THE INTERNET. Stop standing in line at 2am you jackasses.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Kthxgiving

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Practicing for Cyber Monday: "ASL?"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Slicing open a Tauntaun, crawling in, going to bed.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday = WTF
I can totally see how living in this for months would be annoying.
Photos that I took of the now on the way to work are on Facebook, or you can view them on Picasa: http://j.mp/ar9040
They're putting salt on the road outside my window. We'll see if it snows tomorrow. :)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Can somebody please send Peyton Manning some Phoenix tourism packets?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Jimmy Wales is staring at your soul asking for Wikipedia donations. This is also known as "Geek Tithing."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Did anybody ever love Raymond?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tom from MySpace: The original Forever Alone.

Friday, November 12, 2010

If your birthday is in this part of November, you are a Valentine's day baby. You're welcome.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Don't ask a woman to marry you. TELL HER TO

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

In Soviet Russia, you save Jesus
If I know one thing, it's that my life has significantly improved since adding the D: smiley into my life
My facial hair seems rather sheepish this month. I swear I'm against prostate cancer!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Unexplicable high-speed projectile? Fired from Los Angeles? Iron Man.

Monday, November 08, 2010

You never see vanity plates with the amber alerts. It's never "AWSMDAD" or "DNTFINDME"

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Second weekend in a row where both the Sun Devils and the Cardinals lose in the last minutes of each game.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

My smoke detector doesn't seem to know the difference between a five-alarm fire and taking tater tots out of the oven.
Fist-bumping the buttons makes traffic signals change faster. Trust me.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I'm waiting for a bunch of Jewish NYC landlords to get together and form the "Rent seems pretty reasonable" party.

Monday, November 01, 2010

The library of congress has a deal with twitter to archive all its tweets. Lolz @ my grandkids if you're reading this. GTFO n00bz

Sunday, October 31, 2010

If you check into the Lincoln Memorial on Foursquare you should get the "I'm a tool" badge.
I'm about to go on a walking tour of DC led by a pirate. I love Halloween.
Dude, Waldo moves fast. I've seen him like 20 times today.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Favorite 3 signs so far: "Too much Tea Party not enough Mr T Party"
"One rally to rule the mall" (Dressed as Gandalf)
"Excuse me pardon me"
I have never seen so many people in one location in my entire life.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

"Lawyering Up" refers to when you hire a lawyer.

"Lawyering Down" refers to when they dance about it afterwards.
In Soviet Russia, No Thanks You
Let's get a roll-call going. Who's going to be in DC this weekend?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Who's going to apologize for the apologists?
If your result on WTFSHOULDIBEFORHALLOWEEN.COM contains "Flanders" you get "STUPID SEXY FLANDERS" 3 very lucky people have gotten this.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Miami Heat currently have the worst record in the NBA

Monday, October 25, 2010

Antoine Dodson would make an awesome weatherman: "Well.. obviously, we have a.. tornado in.. Lincoln Park.."

Sunday, October 24, 2010

In Max Hall we trust.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Tonight I drove a Volvo to IKEA while listening to Ace of Base. Thanks Sweden!
Nerds calling nerds nerds

Thursday, October 21, 2010

"To pay your bill press 1. To pay with a debit card press 1. To process your debit card ending in 4833 press 1. To confirm press 1."
I CHMOD directories like I play slots: 777 all the way

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

If I had ADHD I'd buy a Ford Focus, to see if it helped.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Anybody have a Dribbble invite?
Man's greatest achievements: 1) Creating Fire 2) Inventing the wheel 3) Convincing women that tights are actually pants

Monday, October 18, 2010

Mission: Convert all friends/family members that use Yahoo to Gmail is now complete. 11 people converted.

Friday, October 15, 2010

How long until one of you nerds recreates Angry Birds in Minecraft? Get on that, people.
She wanted to draw me naked, but it all seemed kinda sketchy.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I hit the random article link on Wikipedia and got "Complete spatial randomness." Yep.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

You know those jerks that would always pick Oddjob when playing Goldeneye? They're all the Gnomes in World of Warcraft.
I'm going to market a line of reverse-voodoo dolls. They will be called revoodoo dolls and I will soon be rich and famous.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

I think my crabbing friend is on to something. The bib and mallet works wonders on eggs bennidict.

Friday, October 08, 2010

These stickers are Scratch and sniff, they just smell like unscented glossy plastic.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Then he can do Livejournal next; it'll star all of us in Junior High.
Sorkin's next movie should be about Orkut: It should be in Portuguese and not make sense to the rest of the world.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Does anybody know how I can get a hold of this person? http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?sid=827233677

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Do NOT spray roaches with PAM. It makes them INVINCIBLE.

Monday, October 04, 2010

We're hiring front-end and python developers if anybody in the Seattle area is interested, get in touch. :)

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Maybe we can get Derek Anderson to fight some animals and spend some time in jail. It seems to be working well for the Redskins.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Subway: Have it your way

Jimmy Johns: WILL YOU HURRY UP?! THERE ARE PEOPLE IN LINE BEHIND YOU!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

A sandwich without meat is just a salad with two large crutons

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I was going to work for NPR but they told me my last name was too easily pronounced
Walgreens. Also known as "The white elephant store."

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I bet heroin addicts really love acupuncture
I find Lady Gaga very difficult to reach via telephone

Monday, September 27, 2010

Few things compare to the feeling a web developer gets as he loads his code into Internet Explorer for the first time
All of the best financial opportunities are found stapled on telephone poles

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I'm pretty sure the Cardinals don't want to win this game.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I don't like listening to dubstep music when I walk home. It seems like the perfect music to murder me to.
There's a shared network folder here at work called "Cute Dinosaurs" - This is something I appreciate.
"O RLMENTE?" The Spanish owl said.
Is it too late to poligize? I'm asking for a friend.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Can you spot the IT guy? http://j.mp/du2k48
Next girlfriend I have I'm going to preface random conversations with "We need to talk."

"We need to talk: I made brownies."
Who's planning on going to the Stewart/Colbert rally at the end of October?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I try to help people the best I can on aardvark: http://vark.com/t/dyiqq6

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Does Ke$ha know that she's not attractive? Shouldn't somebody tell her?
The advent of the debit card must have been a crushing blow to the panhandling market.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Overheard today: "I wear an XXXL, but I wear it well."
WTF Seattle? I'm pretty sure your trees are broken or something. All the leaves are changing red and yellow.
I've always been terrible at loading dishes and moving vans. I think it's because I played Dr Mario instead of Tetris.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

This Red Zone channel is giving me ADHD.
Terrell Owens' ability to systematically destroy an NFL team from the inside is pretty amazing. Go Bengals!
FOOOOTBALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Burning Qur'ans for tech-savvy right-wing extremists will get pretty expensive for every Kindle they incinerate tomorrow.
That Mexican soccer announcer would be a great internet commentator: "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!"

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Anybody here have DirecTV Sunday Ticket? Send me a message please. :)
Herpers gonna derp

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Justin Bieber is an amazing quarterback. Oh wait, that's Tom Brady, nevermind.

Monday, September 06, 2010

How many ORs could I enter today, point at the lady giving birth and say "I guess she heard it was labor day!" before I get arrested?

Saturday, September 04, 2010

What does the double rainbow mean? It means you're on drugs.
The Cadillac Escalade Hybrid: For the environmentally conscious complete douche-bag.

Friday, September 03, 2010

Toyota recalled the Matrix.



"Woah."
I have successfully concluded that the greatest video of all time goes well with any music ever http://j.mp/9iNzIy

Thursday, September 02, 2010

"If you love something, let it go" does NOT apply to newborn children
You'd think if that gunman was sick of the "parasitic human race" and the TV it produces he would have gone to Bravo or VH1 instead.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

The teller told me to use an ATM machine, but I don't need an ATM made.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I have no idea how to use an umbrella, I NEED TO KNOW proper umbrella etiquette. UMBRELLAQUETTE.

Monday, August 30, 2010

"Don't wait. Secure your .CO domain name before someone beats you to it!"

I sincerely doubt that, GoDaddy
Avril Lavigne has a perfume out now? Maybe it smells like 8 years ago.
WATER MUSIC: Aqua, Nickle Creek, Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, Matt Pond PA, Little River Band, Okkervil River, Emerson Lake Palmer, Billy Ocean

Sunday, August 29, 2010

50 Cent has quickly surpassed Shaquille O'Neal as my favorite twitterer.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Listening to Justin Timberlake results in sexier CSS code.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The food bank's slogan of "Choose Hope over Hunger" does NOT apply to Scrabble.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Rohypnol and Cake Mix: Surprise Cake!
Guess who I ran into while driving around town with my girlfriend? Cee-Lo! He was pretty rude, actually.
It's California "GURLS" people, get it right!
Just saw a photo of Obama eating pork in Texas the other day. Dude is the WORST Muslim I've ever seen.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Comcast said they'd be here some time between 8 and 12. I told them I'd pay them some time between September and January.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I just learned that Piranha 3D used more fake blood than any other Hollywood film to date, sold yet?
Person I was seeing Piranha 3D with today canceled on me, if anybody in #Seattle wants to go see Richard Dreyfus be amazing, lemme know.
"Serving Suggestion?" More like "False Advertising!"

Friday, August 20, 2010

Who in #Seattle wants to go see Richard Dreyfuss shine his brightest in Piranha 3D with me?
1 in 5 Americans think I'm a Muslim

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Designing for a Utah client: "No pictures of people with shorts, tank tops or other suggestive clothing. Family pictures and Utah landmarks are fine."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Every time I see an "Under New Management" sign I read it as "The Old Owners Were TERRIBLE!"

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It's 96 degrees here in Seattle. No wonder Kurt Cobain killed himself.
Oh girl, if we were represented on a stock ticker, you'd be Bed Bath & Beyond, because you're my BBBY.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

There's a party on the roof right now that's mostly homosexual Asians. Do you think if I wait it out George Takei will show up?
My 5 year plan? Get enough money to open a branch of SpongeBob SquarePants themed car washes.

Friday, August 13, 2010

To handle Seattle tourists you only need to know the answer to one question:

"Hey uh.. so where's that place where they throw the fish?"
Pretty Lights is playing at an incredibly random festival in Page, Arizona called "Powellapalooza" http://9.gp/egq

Thursday, August 12, 2010

From Ikea, this is the PRÄNT. Step 1 is already done for you: http://9.gp/egk
The building that I just moved into has a message board used mainly for passive aggression: http://ow.ly/i/3arz

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The word "Off" looks like somebody doing the Thriller dance

Friday, August 06, 2010

Cat Dictators, the newest game you should play with your friends! http://9.gp/ee5

Thursday, August 05, 2010

"99 problems but a beach ain't one" - BP
He was a very attractive man, in the Newtonian physics sense of the word
Gabe is a very attractive man, in the Newtonian physics sense of the word

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

"I guess if you were looking from above my body would kind oflook like a lightning bolt?"

Leah and I are getting down to brass tacks.
My being stuck in the Aiport AMA thread on reddit is kinda taking off: http://9.gp/eds

Monday, August 02, 2010

Guys, guys, guys. It's finally happened! http://9.gp/edp

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I don't know who Snooki is either. Are they on Sesame Street?
This flight has WiFi. Better login to Foursquare to check in to THE SKY

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I was going to go out with this chick from Glasgow last night, but I got off Scot-free.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Really enjoying myself in Seattle, things are going very well.

This is some of the best weather I've experienced in a long long time.

Friday, July 16, 2010

If any of you crazy kids play WoW and/or Starcraft2 and want to add my RealID please do: livejamie@gmail.com

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Sorry I've been AFK for a little bit, I am alive: http://9.gp/d9f

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The closed captioning just described the end game noise from Pac-Man as "Mournful Beeping."

There's no joke here. Just poetry, people.

Friday, May 28, 2010

We may never know what Willis was talking about

Saturday, May 15, 2010

It's crazy for people to compare modern Arizona to Nazi Germany!

Germany has much nicer weather.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I bite my thumb at thee!



And now my thumb hurts, so I'm REALLY pissed!

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Iron Man is a lot like the San Antonio Spurs: Pretty good in 2008, terrible in 2010
Happy "Your Mom!" Day

Friday, May 07, 2010

I got implied verbal consent to re-broadcast this NBA game, so it's okay.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I don't understand the phrase "Chubby Chaser" - If they're chubby, how much chasing is really required?

Monday, May 03, 2010

"I hate Robert Horry, Bruce Bowen, Gregg Popovich, Manu Ginobili, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker Also: That stinkin mangy looking Coyote" - My Dad

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Little over 4 hours left on Status.ly/Statusly.com, still under $900 and a great deal: http://9.gp/dhm

Sunday, April 25, 2010

2 Days left to bid on Status.ly / Statusly.com: http://9.gp/dgj

Saturday, April 24, 2010

"Duelly Noted" - To make note of something whilst simultaneously engaging in a duel of some sort

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"btw: do you think it's a bad thing to tell a girl she looks like carrot top?" - @brianshaler
Does anybody else see the irony in a team called the "Blazers" losing on 4/20?

Friday, April 16, 2010

If a tech person gets a puppy from the pound, are they an early adopter?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thanks to everybody for the support. I'm completely overwhelmed and grateful for it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I've moved back home to Phoenix, I'm selling statusly, and am looking for work. Explanation here: http://9.gp/dch

Thanks!
Since recently changing my programming font to webdings, my work has become more bicycle, stadium, alien, tree-like.

Monday, April 12, 2010

If you download movies for free it kills the movie industry; then why is downloading child porn illegal?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

It was around Problem #100 that Jay-Z realized he had more problems than initially thought

Friday, April 09, 2010

['hip','hip'] <-- hip hip array

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

I have Slaking, Gliscor, Mewtwo, Aggron, Giratina, & Wobbuffet.

Yeah, you're scared. I know it.
Women aren't allowed to eat Manwhich, right? That's a law or something...

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

*Memorandum*

Date: 04/06/10

To: Miley Cyrus (URGENT)

From: Jamie Martin

Contents: People wear stilettos in Los Angeles
Phil Gordon is still the mayor of Phoenix? He must check-in A LOT
Wait just a second! Golduck isn't even GOLD

Monday, April 05, 2010

Championship basketball game with six white boys on the court. Weird.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

What happens if we put Justin Bieber into the next Twilight?
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world to put a potato salad-like mixture inside of halved boiled eggs.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

If you close your eyes really tight you can almost make watching "Constantine" into watching "The Matrix."
How soon until Apple announces the iPad price-cut now? 48 hours? 2 weeks?

Thursday, April 01, 2010

I just saw a bunch of nudity on Chatroulette - must be an April Fool's day joke or something.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Lost: The television show with a name that describes how I feel when watching it
Maybe it shouldn't be called "Infiniti" if it's not going to go on forever.
"It is currently believed that C. exigua are not harmful to humans unless picked up alive, in which case they can bite." <-- What?

Monday, March 29, 2010

"BC environment minister cozies up to wife during Earth Hour then puts out cat after it caught on fire" Best. Headline. Ever http://9.gp/c6w
Bank won't let me individually sign off a joint account but will allow me to close the account for both of us. Because _that_ makes sense.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Is Facebook in Checkoslovakia called Chzechbook? Does it need to be balanced?
Historical records show that Vancouver comes from an ancient word meaning "Can you spare any change?"
Little known fact: Fall asleep on the SkyTrain and you'll be taken to an alternate dimension where you're in Surrey and you have no wallet.
I grew up on Stripper St. with a cat named Stripper, and that, is why they call me Double Stripper.
If a "spiiiiiiiider" has eight Is, then why does the dictionary only have it spelled with one? So outdated.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Me: Is that Gowalla?
Him: Yep
Me: What did you just do?
Him: I dropped a shoe & got a gopher
Me: What does that mean?
Him: I have no idea
The Butler did it!
"That's what she said" to all past and future comments about my netbook

Monday, March 22, 2010

I'd like to open a Hall of Fame Hall of Fame
"Hey man, sittin on the toilet, sittin on, on the toilet can! Hey Bam!" has been the only song running in head all day.
Alright, when do the death panels start? Is somebody keeping an eye out on grandma's plug?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I wonder how Andy Bernard is handing this Cornell upset and Sweet 16 birth
Send out a decree, Let March 21st 2010 be known as the day Jamie mixed two brands of macaroni and cheese together in one pan

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Khaaaaaaaaaaansas!
Northern Iowa used all their mystical Kurt Warner powers and screwed up everybody's bracket. GG.

Friday, March 19, 2010

If there's one thing that Vegetarians and Meat-eaters alike can agree on it's that Vegans are really annoying, amirite?
The most annoying thing about panhandlers begging me for money is that most of them are in a better financial position then I am.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A sick eagle is illeagle
Really, Norte Dame? A day after St. Patrick's day? Really?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Kiss me I'm Finnish, French and a little bit of German. (Not the Nazi part.)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

What did moths do before light bulbs were invented?

Monday, March 15, 2010

This video of Chat Roulette Piano Improvisations is one of the best things I've seen in a long long time http://9.gp/c2y
I don't know what the hell kind of a farm Farmer John runs, but he grows lunch meat and hot dogs.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Do you think kids nowadays leave twitter handles when signing yearbooks? Unless they're speech and debate, they probably use LinkedIn.
MLS Real Estate Listings should also include the number of: open wifi networks, adjacent barking dogs, reggaeton-listening units

Friday, March 12, 2010

If Vinz Clortho, Keymaster from Ghostbusters got into a fight with The Keymaker from the Matrix, would anybody care?
Notorious B.I.G. vs Rent FTW http://9.gp/cz7
I hope you dyslexics are enjoying SWSX this week.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Been having a rough day, accidentally went against a Sicilian when death was on the line.

Monday, March 08, 2010

This weekend I won a new car, I bankrupt some chumps, I won the Stanley Cup, I conquered the world, I did some racing. http://9.gp/cy2

I had a very busy weekend

I won a new car



I bankrupted some chumps and made $13k



I won the Stanley Cup



I conquered the world



I did some racing



How was yours?
It's snowing in parts of Seattle and Portland, but it's very sunny here in Vancouver, dang.

I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Your website might say "Next Page," but what it really means is "Close Tab."
Happy International Womens Day, ladies! We put Lil Wayne in jail today. You're welcome.
Every time you take Second Place in a beauty contest in Monopoly, I take First Place.

Friday, March 05, 2010

All basements are haunted. It's builder's code.
Sometimes getting a song stuck in your head is out of your contrololololololololololololol

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Watching NewsRadio for the first time ever, which are awesome if not only for Joe Rogan's (@joerogandotnet) incredibly random character.
Since the 10 billionth tweet was protected, I'm totally taking credit for it.

You're welcome.
The real question is the 10 billionth tweet going to be about the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber?
It sucks that last.fm and Pandora cost money in Canada.

Any suggestions for personalized radio? I've been using hypem and grooveshark.
I just confessed to something horrible.

It's okay, I posted it to Google Buzz so nobody will ever see it.
Type "lick" into Google Translate, translate to Arabic. Copy the third verb and translate back to English. Can someone explain?

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I've finished Shining Force I and II recently. Can anybody recommend any similar games?
Windows 98 and Windows ME were mostly my ideas, but I had nothing to do with Windows 7

Monday, March 01, 2010

I used to listen to chill-out music until I realized it was AMBIENT FOR WIMPS!

YOU CAN'T HANDLE STARS OF THE LID
Dear Canada,

Stop putting gravy on your fries. It's gross. And stop assuming that I want gravy on my fries.

love,
Jamie.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Canadians played angry tonight. But you would be too if you lived in a country where a burger and fries cost $20
Doesn't Sidney Crosby have a boy band he needs to go practice for or something?
I'll be Canadian tonight, who wants to make out? We can do it to Bryan Adams, Nickelback or Celine Dion
Bad News: The Canadians have started rioting
Good News: Mostly on their own livers
Congratulations Canada, that was the best hockey game I've ever seen. I had to leave the bar around the 4th round of "O Canada" though.
MIRACLE ON ICE: THE SEQUEL
Things quiter than this sportsbar in Vancouver right now: Anything
Team USA is playing like their country doesn't even CARE about hockey...


oh wait.
Team USA could use the Bash Brothers and some Flying-V's, also: Quacking
They just showed Vince Vaughn and the bar booed. I guess they all saw "Couples Retreat."
Don't let Canada know, but I'm pretty sure we're starting Obama
Chants of "U-S-A" in the sports bar being met with some weird "Red and White" chant.

Oh man, things are going to get crazy.
Team Canada's motto is "We were made for this."

Being made for a silver medal seems strange, but I don't judge people.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Apolo "Oh-no-you-got-disqualified-in-the-500m."
There's a certain suspense to curling - or anything you're watching when you have no idea what the hell is going on.
Canadians chanted "U-S-A" as the hockey girls got silver medals, cool!

We Americans should do the same for their silver medalists Sunday.
US winning 6-0. Things looking bad for Fins unless coach comes back, burns his suit in a drum in front of the team and starts quacking.
Dozens of users are silenced as FriendFeed has been down for the last hour

Thursday, February 25, 2010

There's a whole bunch of older women at this bar, or as I call them: "Vancougars."
I know it isn't saying much, but Women's Hockey is soooo much more entertaining than the WNBA.
If I get a bunch of Toyota vehicles, I bet I can make lemonade.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bobsled girls got back!
Russia is playing like a bunch of Johnny Weirs
Snarky Canadaian: What dumbasses, I bet they were Americans.
Me: How could you tell, did they have a bunch of Olympic Medals?
I met a man on the subway who paid $10,000 for two gold medal hockey tickets.

I sure hope for his sake Canada beats Russia today.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Will somebody please go check on Martin Brodeur? I fear for his safety.
Team @statusly just returned from a 9-1 nail-biter putting USA over Sweden in women's hockey. We attribute the win to our presence.
I don't see the big deal with the Nickelback/Pickle Facebook group.

I like pickles more than 99% of things.
Somebody in Canada tricked the girls into thinking tights are pants. It's awesome 90% of the time.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dear Canada,

We'd like to introduce you to Ryan Miller.

Love,
The United States

P.S. Thanks for yet another gold medal.
I'd like to get into a friends-with-benefits-type relationship.

I could really use the insurance and the 401k.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The gate agent is currently caling for "Bueller" - life is awesome sometimes
WTF Portland, your change machine just gave me about 100 nickels in exchange for my $5

Also "Port of Portland" sounds dumb. Good day.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hey Tiger Woods is on the telev.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Is putting "WoW Raid Leader" a good idea for your resume? What do you think? http://9.gp/cum
Neutral, my ass! I see you participating in the games, Switzerland. You aren't fooling me.

Monday, February 15, 2010

I seriously want to buy University of Alaska hockey tickets, because this video is that awesome: http://9.gp/ct9
These protesters must really hate giant glittery polar bears, or is it the flaming punk fiddlers they're against?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

No, no, no, Happy Valentine's day to _YOU_ Mr. Bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios!
A table at the bar just changed the NBA all-star game to Olympic figure skating. They must not realize this is a sport's bar.
I love my Dad: "Canada girl's hockey is beating Slovenia 13-0 after 2 periods & has out-shot them 46-6. How do you people sleep at night?"

Friday, February 12, 2010

Next time somebody asks me what living in Vancouver is like I'm going to say "giant glittery bears and flaming punk fiddlers."
I remember watching the Beijing opening ceremonies wishing that a chubby dude would come out and do slam poetry.
Me: "Brian Adams and Nelly Furtado? You all have to be pretty embarassed right now."
Canadians: "Yeah."
This is what Times Square must be like on New Years eve, except not so polite.
"I'm keeping a Swiss family in my bathroom." - Overheard in Vancouver
6661: The Pin Number of the Beast
The funniest thing that's happened on the internet recently happened yesterday when RWW does a story on Facebook: http://9.gp/ctt
It's so cold in Vancouver that crowds of people have gathered just to see an open flame, to feel its warmth, they cheer as it passes.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sorry my LinkedIn link was incorrect, here it is: http://ca.linkedin.com/in/jamiemartin
I'm going to start using LinkedIn more actively. Please connect if you haven't already: linkedin.com/livejamie

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Yeah Vancouver it's cool that you're doing the Olympics and all, but Nickelback still lives here.

Discuss.
Google Buzz? I'm still trying to find the Google app they advertised on Sunday that lets you impregnate a French chick.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Listening to dubstep songs at night can be eerie.
It just seems like the perfect music to murder me to.
I used to beat up the local milk man, but I found that was awfully lactose intolerant of me.
I enjoy how Valentine's Day is so close to NASCAR season starting. It's as if a person can only be involved in one of them.
I feel strange locking my balcony door on the 18th floor of this condo. Who am I keeping out, Spider-man?

Monday, February 08, 2010

Homeless guy to crowded Subway station: "Valentine's Day is coming, we're all gonna get laid!"

Rodney Dangerfield would have been proud.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

I hope people are enjoying Undercover WM Commercial.
Alright Louisiana, we had a deal. You won the Super Bowl. Now quit saying "Who Dat?"

Let's not make this any harder than it needs to be.
Time to play "Name that CSI theme song"
Shouldn't geaux for it
Canadian TV Commercials: 10% Beer, 10% Banks, 9% Vehicles, 70% OMG THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING, 1% Other
Saints need to sceauxre
The Colts' offense is running like a late-model Toyota right now
These "Phil-osophies" are "Phil-tarded"
Where's the "Skip Intro" button?
Canadian commercials during the Super Bowl, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo



ooooooooooooooo




o
It must be weird for that Miami Dolphins stadium to see good football occuring within it
Peyton Manning plans on rocking New Orleans like a hurricane
How to get Canada to like football: Replace grass with ice. Replace cleats with skates. Replace black guys with white guys holding sticks.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Finally found a place to live! An 18th floor condo overlooking the Fraser river in New West. Need help remembering V3M 0C6 as a postal code.

Friday, February 05, 2010

I'm not single, I just date a lot of ninjas
I wonder if Amish people worry if they're being represented fairly on Wikipedia

Thursday, February 04, 2010

If I grow drugs in Farmville, can I sell them in Mafia Wars?

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Stacker's 6-Hour Power is such a big "screw you" to 5-Hour Energy.

I'm working on "7-Hour Vigor," going to blow both out of the water.
Who's playing the Super Bowl halftime show?

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

WTF Canada, you are all wayyy too nice to your pedestrians. I just had six lanes of traffic wait so I could cross.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

If there is a dollar-sign in your name, I probably don't ¢are about you.
American Idiot is one of those rare musicals where the title itself describes its demographic. Also: Cats
I think Twisted Sister is finally ready to take it.
When it comes to video conferencing, the Skype's the limit

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I'm a stranger to love who's unaware of all the rules.
How long has Mayor McCheese been mayor anyways, like 40 years? What kind of a term is that?

Friday, January 29, 2010

I want to go to a strip club and sing "pants on the ground" to the dancers. I'd time how long it takes to get kicked out
Nobody in Canada is outraged that Kurt Warner is retiring, AND FOR THE LAST TIME, NO, HE'S NOT A HOCKEY PLAYER

Thursday, January 28, 2010

More like "Catcher in the Die," amirite?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

iPad's $499 price-point includes the ability to bitch and moan at the end of the year when Apple slashes hundreds off the original price
Alright everybody, that's enough Apple tampon jokes. We get it.
First person to dress as Moses and put the 10 commandments on two Apple tablets wins the entire internet.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Do you think Jack Bauer ever gets sick of random cliffhangers occurring every 60 minutes of his life?
It's called "The Bachelor" because if you're married and you watch it, it's what your husband becomes.
Somebody needs to tell those people that Obama is not going to personally read the 7,535 comments on his Facebook posts
I can see Russia from my house currently, ugh.. this is so much responsibility.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Not having a remote control is hard. I have to try to convince myself that I like CSI: Miami
There's no remote in my hotel room. This is how the pioneers much have watched television.
Idea for Minneapolis Star Headline Tomorrow: "Hart-breaker"
Is that Favre's last pass ever?
"I'm Jamie Martin and Windows 7 was MY idea" isn't working so far as a pick-up line.
It seems like all of Canada is a Vikings fan by default, which is kind of strange.

Too bad it's going to be Colts vs Saints next month.
You can text the word "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross.

You can text the word "HAITI" to Jamie Martin to confuse me.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

My legitimacy has almost gotten to a point where I really should cease.
Guys guys guys, you can call off the search. I've found Fruitopia. It's here in Canada, it's cold and confused, but alive nonetheless.
I'm not saying this "Canada for Haiti" telethon is bad, but I hear Haiti is throwing a telethon to try to help it.
This "Canada for Haiti" telethon could really use George Clooney's help.
We've arrived safe and sound, the train ride was breathtaking. Our hotel room now is amusingly bad, but we won't be staying here for long.
Just arrived in Seattle from Phoenix. Nice to get out of the rain. Wait.. what?

Friday, January 22, 2010

The dude next to me at the airport recognized the sounds of linux booting up on my laptop. It's the nerd version of a secret handshake.
I'm not saying he's obsese, but if I was a Slave Leia I'd stay far far away from him.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Moving to Canada in 3 Days. If anybody wants to hang out before then please get in touch. I'm not doing anything on this rainy Tuesday night

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I had some Dippin Dots ice cream today, it gave me 500 tiny headaches.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Hey guys, I have to go.. Jay Leno wants to use this computer.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Why is everybody saying Conan needs our help? I'm pretty sure Conan the Barbarian can handle things on his own.
I somehow made $40 from ads with my blip.tv account. Did this happen to anybody else? I didn't make any scandalous videos in my sleep did I?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The worst part about having a cold? It's really difficult to nail all the high notes when singing "Seasons of Love"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Any Cardinals fans calling Papa Johns and getting a pizza with their free 14 toppings?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Tickets unsold. Will sell them for below face value now. 2 Lower Level 30 yard line tickets for $240 total: http://i.imgur.com/RIuyB.png

Saturday, January 09, 2010

I have lower level tickets to the Cardinals playoff game tomorrow next to mine that I'll sell at face value to anybody interested.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

"lol" is English's new period at the end of every sentence lol

Saturday, January 02, 2010

A person's success in Farmville and their success in life are inversely proportional to each other

Friday, January 01, 2010

I'm impressed Kanye let 2009 finish.