Could either the Trail Blazers or the Rockets beat the Lakers once? Probably not. Also: Swine Flu

Is there an uglier assemblage of human beings other than the San Antonio Spurs?

Its won't be long until twitter is just a bunch of bots following each other, like Skynet, but with 140 character limits

How can SpongeBob afford all that pineapple real estate if Mr. Krabs
is only paying him in dimes and Krabby Patties?

Does someone faking Munchausen's syndrome actually have Munchausen's syndrome?

The Orange Box is $9.99 this weekend on Steam so I took the plunge. Wanna take my TF2 virginity? Add "livejamie" to Steam and/or Xfire

The or

t

You know what's ad hominem? Your face.

I have Bulimia, I just don't throw up.

I couldn't hear my phone, but if I liked it then I should have put a ring on it.

Now that GeoCities is going down anyone have any good suggestions? I know of Xoom and Angelfire. I've searched Lycos and Hotbot to no avail.

Yahoo! has announced that it's shutting down GeoCities, which is sad, since all those sites are still under construction.

When internet trolls die and go to heaven, do they end up at Yahoo! Answers?

It's gettin hot in here, but contrary to popular belief I do not want to take off all my clothes.

My car feels shakey, I think it needs to be aligned but Rush Limbaugh says its faking it.

Thank you to the marvels of modern technology, I now know that both pugs in the house are terrified of lightsabers.

Sure, the puzzle's box said 2-4 years but I managed to get it done in 15 minutes!

The first google result for "face" is Facebook, making it official: Gimmicky social networking is more important than our own faces.

The Pirate Bay was found guilty? Good! Now that smug bastard Johnny Depp will get what he deserves!

The CNN vs Ashton Kutcher race must be part of NASCAR because I find
myself not caring about it.

John Madden retired? I guess that's the end of Frank Caliendo's career. Wait, this just in: It was already over.

"Fast and Furious" made $27.2 million while "Hannah Montana: The Movie" made $32.2 million, which is nice because the recession must be over

Dear Last.fm, Yes I do listen to Christmas music 1 month of the year, This doesn't mean I want 8% of my station to be "Jingle Bells" covers.

"Did you mean: Afrika Bambaataa?" Why yes, Google, yes, that's what I meant.

Comedy = Your friend with the lazy eye posting a whiny Myspace bulletin about not being physically able to see Monsters vs Aliens in 3D

Pro-tip: If the school you're going to offers scholarship gift cards, it's not a real school

Mesa Community College has an Honors Program, honoring my sense of irony.

I had a dream last night

I was in the military, and somebody had made some sort of a bad joke making fun of me.

I retorted with: "You know when Johnson and Miller were on patrol last night? Pretty sure they were looking for the punchline to that joke."

Subconscious military Jamie is pretty snappy I guess.

Today has been a nice da.. AHH! AHH! That jellybean was black!? Oh jeez it looked purple I swear :(

Come to think of it, I've always preferred my beans of the Jelly variety.

It's raining! And sorry gay men, straight women and all classic disco lovers, it seems to be the liquid precipitation and not "men."

I love combining words; "combworbing," if you will.

The line at this credit union is so long; I think it's the exit strategy from Iraq

If you watch Family Feud with closed captioning on, "Feud" is always in quotes - I guess the deaf people were worried it was serious

The revolution won't be podcasted

Old and Busted: Blaming the Economy
New hotness: Blaming Conficker

Gays can now marry in Vermont as well as Iowa in a dastardly plan to get them to forget about marriage by only allowing it in these 2 states

Damn it feels good I ain't a banker.

I was almost made to watch Twilight the other night. How in the hell did you ruin something as cool as VAMPIRES, ladies? Go watch Nosferatu.

Gays can marry in Iowa now? If you legalize it, they will come...

I don't mean to fish for complements, but does this tackle box make my
butt look big?

Getting rid of the Snowbirds for the summer is a lot like renewing your computer: Updated Drivers.

Hugh Jackman pissing himself is the only Wolverine leak I will
possibly care about.

The Internet: It's just meme, myself and I

In a stunning coordinated April Fools day effort, not a single girl
wants to go out with me tonight. VERY FUNNY GIRLS.

With oars and a watercraft; you know how I row.

I even put my thing down, flipped it and reversed it, but I can't seem
to get this PHP script to work.

The Biggest Loser: where the show's title describes its viewer base.

GUYS GOOGLE CAME OUT WITH SOMETHING TODAY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S
SERIOUS THIS TIME.