Tuesday, December 27, 2011

We bought a zoo, in which Matt Damon wonders why a girl would talk to him and Scarlett Johansson is a loser with no friends. #lol

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Skyrim is on Sale today. FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-FUS-RO-DA!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Anybody playing SW:TOR? What faction/server? Anybody but Brian because he'll make me roll on the Onyxia of Star Wars
This is the worst time of year to be single

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Just heard an old man tell somebody to "go to YouTube and Google it"
In case you missed it, I reposted my Christmas CD here this year: http://livejamie.com/post/14517969106 - Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Are you having a tough day? Call 719-26-OATES. I'm serious.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

So Pintrest is like a Photo-only version of Tumblr that you can't customize?
I didn't know it was possible to make an awful song with whistling in it, thanks a lot Maroon 5

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

We thought the donkey was going to give birth but it was a false alarm #farmworldproblems

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Arizona borders Colorado. The Cardinals' recent success is obviously the work of Tim Tebow.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Oh my god, Trampoline! Trampoline! https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=214702938604320

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Herman Cain learned a valuable lesson: Never hold on to your Pokemon card too long

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The signature/handwriting guy on Pawn Stars is the creepiest guy on television
Playing Skyrim has calmed my fears of being a parent. It's nice to know that kids can't die.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Steam sales: Shoe sales for men

Thursday, November 24, 2011

I'm thankful tomorrow isn't Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I'm not saying that what Chris Brown did was right, but every time I hear "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place" I understand why

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Frosty the Snowman is playing here at Food City. So it begins...

Monday, November 07, 2011

"You Make My Dreams" by Hall & Oates is currently the #2 song on Hype Machine right now. I'm totally okay with this.

Friday, October 21, 2011

PANDA DEATH KNIGHTS

Thursday, September 22, 2011

"I don't have a Facebook" is the new "I don't have a TV"

Monday, September 19, 2011

"I wonder where my friends are checking-in..." - Nobody

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I just sprayed all my houseplants with Febreeze. I'm a damn idiot. My house smells faaaaabulous though.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Are you seriously trying to tell me there's a movie about two robots fighting and it's NOT called Rockem-Sockem robots?

Thursday, September 01, 2011

I'm pugsitting this weekend, so feel free to drop by my tiny house in Tempe if you'd like to say hi to Kenai or Daisy. It will be madness.

Monday, August 29, 2011

The latest episode of Louie, "Duckling" might be the best episode of television I've ever seen in my life. What an incredible TV show.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Companies hire Social Media Experts, but I wanna be a Company Troll. I'd insult competitors online. "HEY RAY'S PIZZA, U GUYS SUCK LOLOLOL"

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

There is no greater accomplishment in life then getting all the groceries from car to house in one trip.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Still feeling guilty about the gecko, I have no idea how Casey Anthony does it.
Raid should make an "Ants, Roaches but totally cool with Geckos" Spray. I'd buy it.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

To the family of the gecko I inadvertantly killed while spraying for ants this weekend: I'm sorry. You are welcome at my house anytime.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

A "digg this" button is the sign of a lazy or non-existant webmaster.

Friday, July 29, 2011

I could really use some alone time this weekend, so I think I'm going to check out that Smurfs movie.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I have Hoarders as a DVD set. I was going to throw it away when I was done, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

When I'm in a club I don't make it rain on the girls, I have a roll of quarters and I make it HAIL.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

If the NFL did have a lock-out would the Canadian Football Leauge reluctantly come with?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"Eh, screw it. We'll just use Manny Pacquiao." - HP's Marketing Team

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Best birthday gift ever, rain - and the subsequent smell of it on the Arizona concrete.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Am I too white to enjoy Moombahton music?

Friday, July 08, 2011

Created a group on Google+ called "Hell" so now I actually send people to a circle of hell. Dante would be so proud.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

LOL has gone from meaning "Laugh out Loud" to "I have nothing constructive to add to this conversation"

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Look Google. Unless we're playing Spin the Bottle or Duck Duck Goose, I don't really like putting my friends in circles.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

It's 117 degrees, humid and dusty on 4th of July weekend. The terrorists have won.

Friday, July 01, 2011

"This is like if wild horses were painted with lasers." - A random user's comment on my musical selections today

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Sometimes I wonder if the other 3 stove burners are jealous of front-left.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN INVITE TO MYSPACE?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hiring a full-time sysadmin, if you or any of your friends are interested have them get in touch.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Its embarassing in the car when a good song comes on the radio and I instinctively reach to click "Awesome" or give it a thumbs-up.
If a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's a slut. If a guy sleeps with a bunch of guys, he's gay? Talk about double standards.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

After they signed the bill into office I'm sure they wrote "No Homo" at the bottom

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The passenger air bag switch is nice in case you have a car-seat, or you really hate your passenger and kinda want them to die.
BBW is both the initials for "Bath and Body Works" and its core demographic.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Facebook - The Cannibal's Yelp.com

Thursday, June 09, 2011

The hot redhead on Mythbusters is INCREDIBLE, I think their name is Jamie, right?
"Do or do not Dougie, there is no try." - Asking Yoda how to Dougie

Friday, June 03, 2011

I just added MySpace to Tweetdeck, I swear I just saw a tumbleweed roll by.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Are you a back-end hacker in PHX looking for a full-time gig or a side project? Hit me up. Otherwise here's some cats: http://j.mp/mSxcbZ

Saturday, May 28, 2011

I wish monkeys could Skype, maybe one day?

Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm going to name my router "Linksys" - Little does anybody in my neighborhood know that it's actually a Belkin router.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A cousin of mine posted "Crossing swords with a hot pirate is basically first base" - this is funnier than anything I'll think of today.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Worst. Rapture. Ever.

Friday, May 20, 2011

"The rapture already happened in southern california... Los Angeles looks like shit!" - Karyn
The rapture has claimed its first victim, Macho Man Randy Savage :(
Did the rapture happen in Australia? Or is that one of those USA-only things?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

What's this I keep hearing about Raptors on May 21st?

Monday, May 16, 2011

Pugs: Protecting houses from passing cars for 100 years.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Every girl that I've dated or even been remotely interested in the last 5 years has been OBSESSED with Harry Potter. Why is this?

Friday, May 13, 2011

There is somebody snoring in a bathroom stall at SkySong. Good for them!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

8.5 billion divided by 29 million means my Skype account is worth $293.10 to Microsoft - I hope they Paypal me.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Medical Advice on the Internet: YOU HAVE CANCER

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Everything is official now. I've taken a job down in Scottsdale and will be moving back to a house in Tempe mid next-week.
My favorite two basketball teams are the Suns and whoever is playing the Lakers

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Anybody who says Cinco de Drinko is getting Cinco de Deleted from my friends list

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Awesome yelp review: "They use just the right amount of cheese and the toppings seem to be from world 4 of Super Mario Bros 3."
Pickup Line to use on a Writer: "Oh girl, everything you write is fine print."

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I bet home invaders really appreciate the stick figure diagram of your family on your minivan. Helps them keep inventory.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

If I worked at a grocery store today I'd probably hide all the eggs, also bring back somebody from the dead.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Ladies, I make six figures a year. Action figures.

Friday, April 22, 2011

♬ Earth Day, Earth Day, gotta get down on Earth Day.. ♬

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

12 people think when you comment on a YouTube video relating to the amount of dislikes that it gets that you're not being funny. Ever.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Glenn Beck and Oprah are leaving TV at the same time? Now who will my Mom listen to?!

Monday, April 04, 2011

4/04 - Day Not Found

Sunday, April 03, 2011

If you continue to live-tweet "chopped," you my also end up "chopped."

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Heard the sounds of Angry Birds coming from the stall next to me: Don't be droppin birds when you're droppin turds!(TM)

Friday, April 01, 2011

Do you think gay men in relationships like to pull the "I'm Pregnant" joke on April Fool's Day?
Oh man the Gawker layout for April Fools day is hilarious. Wait, I'm being told this is just their normal layout. Nevermind.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I wish my dog was more like R Kelly in the "singer/songwriter" sense and less of the "piss on everything she loves" kind of sense.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I will be shutting down my apartment until they find the Bronx Zoo Cobra.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Since Charlie Sheen is a Warlock, I'd be interested in his thoughts on the Shadow Priest nerf in the upcoming patch.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Crocs is the only brand of shoe whose name describes an animal I'd rather be eaten by before wearing them.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Get that beach a sand castle. Beaches love sand castles.
The two greatest lyricists of our generation should combine to become the Rebecca Black Eyed Peas.
And I ask myself, am I ready for the weekend weekend?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Friday by Rebecca Black is the new Rickroll.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

From the guys that brought you Superbad, an animated movie that looks super bad.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Bros before Hos only applies when speaking alphabetically

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm an IBM Power7 server and I TORONTO????

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

If Ken Jennings is such a "genius" then why doesn't he just try unplugging Watson? HUMANS WIN!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Query comes in, data goes out. Never a syntax error. You can't explain that.
Hey IBM, if you want people to watch your robot on Jeopardy give him Sean Connery's voice and have him call Trebek's mother a whore

Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm trying to make some Dinner BUT HOW DO YOU PREHEAT A MICROWAVE?
The amount of sexual innuendo that the seafood dept at my local Whole Foods is able to put in its advertising never ceases to impress me
Tonight a computer will compete on Jeopardy, a historical event for AI. Nice for Trebek to give the nerds something to do tonight.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Who's the president now? Pharaoh?
My life's goal is to have @50cent take me to an actual Candy Shop
I bet Sarah Palin is wondering what took Mubarak so long to quit
Cairowned

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Denial is a river in Egypt

Monday, February 07, 2011

Not to be out-done by AOL, CompuServ just bought the Drudge Report.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Black Eyed Peas. Take THAT Chinese Opening Ceremonies.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

James Franco's character in 127 Hours should have watched more Arrested Development. That's why you always leave a note.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Drunk man at airport keeps telling everybody he sees texting to "Don't fall in the fountain!" Not a fountain in sight, It's awesome.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Yao Ming made the all-star game again! It's nice to see the Chinese people using their Democratic right to vote

Monday, January 31, 2011

Just was passed by the South Lake Union Trolly. That SLUT is fast!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Do you think any of the protest signs say "Walk Like an Egyptian"?
Do you think any of the protest signs say "Walk Like an Egyptian"

Thursday, January 27, 2011

How do we REALLY know that Slowbro and Dugtrio AREN'T different species and not just some pokemon hanging out with each other? HUNH?

Monday, January 24, 2011

Mattress commercials aren't believable, these women are way out of all these men's collective leagues.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I'm 99% certain the "Cancel Print" button on the printer is just a placebo