Words that make me automatically ignore what you're saying: Webinar, Bieber, Hubby, Preggers, Totes.

It's impossible to feel manly while "swiffering" the floor. And don't suggest grunting while doing so, I tried that.

Reba McEntire then Biz Markee then Skrillex? The DJ at this horse show its either trolling or a mad genius.

$ git add EVERYBODY_PANIC

Can we all pitch in and send some actual cherries to whoever makes cherry-flavored medicine?

Added to the list of things Daisy barks at: Cows, Goats, Donkeys, Horses.

Dear World,

On behalf of all Arizonans, we're really, really sorry about GoDaddy.

"Don't cry for me Indiana..."

Just saw a large goat hop the fence onto the 101 overpass. I yelled "what the hell is that" at my sisters. The end.

Just saw a large goat hop the fence onto the 101 overpass. I yelled "what the hell is that" at my sisters. The end.

I'm just worried that America is going to get really sick and Newt is going to leave us for a younger, healthier country.

If Newt does get two terms, living on the moon doesn't seem THAT bad.