Looking at rentals in Fountain Hills today. When the landlord asks me why I'm moving I tell them I'm WAY into fountains.

Yesterday I ordered a Shaved Ice Machine for my house. Ladies?

To be a nice Canadian guy stuck in Phoenix only to lose a heartbreaking playoff series, I hope Steve Nash is calling Shane Doan right now

I like to change my info to "The Police" in other people's phones. When I call it shows "The Police is calling." Some friends don't answer.

"Wait, that man is the Hulk?" - My Mom, halfway through the movie

I'm pretty sure the "G" in the Google Doodle today is the Human Centipede