I am such a slutty covered bridge

Aw cute, those boys from Arizona State dressed like a football team for halloween this year.

Christopher Walken preforms Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" http://9.gp/cej

Can't think of a costume? Go to Wikipedia's random article and add "Slutty" in front. I'm going as a Slutty Covered Bridge.

Excuse me, ghosts, are you saying BOO or BOO-URNS?

Domo Kun at 7Eleven? What a sell-out.

This whole time I thought the Arabs were paying to "A-Ha." (This is why the majority of them want to take on me.)

The Travel Channel is running a seven-hour live episode of Ghost Adventures tonight. Making me want to travel to where there is no TV.

Looking for a girl who's D.T.S. (Down to Snuggle)

I think this acronym could catch on.

Jeff Dunham made $30 million in 2008. He was the 3rd highest grossing "comedian" behind only Seinfeld and Chris Rock. Thanks, America.

I'm going to be twitter for Halloween. People will give me lots of money, I'll take it but I still won't function correctly.

Murder is the ultimate form of tough love.

The Redskins are crappy and from Washington DC, I wonder if they're
run by lobbyists.

This Day at the Office cubicle karaoke is amazing. Does anybody know
what company this is? http://9.gp/cdz

Wow, having some major host issues this morning. All of my client's sites are down. I'll have to contact Geocities about this.

If you're looking for me at #phxdw I'm the dude with the beard and glasses checking twitter. Hope that helps.

Look, Taco Bell's black taco makes me nervous. I'll come out and say it.

If that makes me a taco racist, so be it.

Michael Jackson is making it big in the underground music scene now.

AT&T could solve all of their bandwidth problems if they'd strip all those "Sent from my iPhone" email signatures that nobody cares about.

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. - http://9.gp/cdm

I'm sick of seeing all these discriminatory "Beat Cancer" updates. My astrological sign is not a choice people! It's what I was born with!

If there's one thing I can be proud of; it's the fact that I've no idea who "Jon and Kate" are.

When a turkey dies, is it surrounded by turkey vultures?

According to Wikipedia one of the nicknames for Phoenix is "Bird City."

Is anybody else in #phx using this? I'm totally going to start.

Gary Busey fighting a werewolf in Silver Bullet. Why they say Citizen Kane is the best movie of all time is beyond me.

That Matt Leinart sure holds a clipboard like a champ, doesn't he?

Arizona State wins, California loses.
Being a Devil is always better than being an Angel.

My life could use an instant-replay official. I could send it to the booth while on a date.

"The ruling on the field stands. First base!"

lol, Ohio State. amirite?

Is there a retail place in Phoenix that usually has the best prices on (Computer, not Dodge) RAM? Fry's maybe?

Our mesh screen door has a lock on it: This stops any retarded criminals or really clever bugs from getting inside.

Balloon Boy Gets Scolded: "You're going to be a last-minute (Halloween) costume now!" "They put you on Up posters" http://9.gp/ccj

Falcon! You're stuck in a balloon! Do a Barrel Roll!

Falcooooooooooooooon news conference!

I bet that baloon kid is GROUNDED.

Get it? Get it?

Look, I do these for free, and I'm under a lot of pressure here. Cut me a break.

Finally, Auto-Tune the News #9 is out! http://9.gp/cch

Does anybody want to help me take the two pugs to the dog park and/or go see Where the Wild Things at the Imax tonight?

I like to make it rain. I call it 52 Benjamin pickup.

A Cemetery in Paris - Where Oscar Wilde's things are

Webring powers - activate!

I'm pretty sure that Alex Albrecht co-hosts Hell with Satan.

If I started my own Pho restaurant I'd call it "Viet om nom nom."

Of the 80 or so podcasts I subscribed to over the weekend; http://themoth.org might be the most incredible. I wish I knew of it earlier.

Some people think the Phoenix Suns' "U R ORNG" marketing campaign is hip and fresh, but THEY R STPD

In some states you're legally required to report any ghostly activity when selling a home.

This includes any visits from the Olsen twins.

I'm not a gold-digger, but I definitely don't want some broke girl.

I'm more of a tin-digger.

Happy Columbus day! I'm going to go "discover" one of the Indian reservations today and colonize it. Who's with me?

Got my podcasts set up. BeyondPod syncs with Google Reader, pretty slick.

Listened to a show called Distorted View on the morning drive.

Being the third wheel in a group of three men is a new feeling for me.

Podcast nerds: I would love suggestions of videocasts/podcasts I should subscribe to. Or how to find them. I've never really tried before.

If Kanye interrupts Jim and Pam tonight when they get married, I'm going to be pissed.

I imagine crab-fishing in Alaska is a walk in the park compared to the job of a rug-repoman.

Store down the street is advertising "bank-siezed rugs" the concept of which, blows my little mind.

Store down the street is advertising "bank-seized

Store down the street is advertising "bank-seized

Miley Cyrus leaves twitter and LOOK WHAT HAPPENS GUYS.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

A crown is all that separates Where the Wild Things' Max from being just another gross furry.

Did you know there are 11 URL Shorteners with 3 characters total? I made a list here: http://9.gp/ca5

If you leave out the hyphen in "obsessive–compulsive disorder;" you're not.

Hey Flagstaff people, I keep hearing reports of snow, but I don't see any here: http://tr.im/B1yA

I like my weather like I like my women: 75 and droppin low!

I bet it's embarrassing when plurk employees show up for work at the twitter offices on accident.

You think it's lame that I'm the mayor of this gas station on foursquare? This Shell station is NOT a democracy. I demand silence.

-I bet you think I'm here at Subway, silently judging people based on the sandwhich they get. That's so BLT-on-wheat of you.

Oh look who shows up, late as usual! And is that alcohol I smell on your breath, autumn? I'm so disappointed in you.

I think that man drives a Saturn because that's about how large he is.

The camper shell protects the back of the truck from the elements and the owner of the truck from pretty girls.

Mike Rowe not only answers my question, but questions my karma and sings for me! I'm smiling so big right now! http://tr.im/AUHb

Shazam accidentally ran in my pocket and came up with "Britney Spears - Touch of my Hand."

I am being 100% serious.

I have some beta invites to a beta invite, anybody want them?

"1. Unzip and check out this readme file."

WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING YOU DUMB SCRIPT

My friends think that H1N1 either means "Humans 1, Nanovirus 1," or he's R2D2's evil twin.

Sure our kids will be pissed when we leave the earth in ruins, but moreso when they turn on the oldies station to hear the Ying Yang Twins.

Does BoingBoing think it's April Fool's day?

When Arnold Schwarzenegger gets people to add him on twitter, I hope he says "follow me if you want to live!"

"What we gon do with all these bumps, all these bumps inside our truck!" - A flamboyant speed-bump installer

It's appropriate that the Jay Leno show follows Trauma, since both shows feature a lot of flat-lining.

They say that Americans aren't willing to do hard labor, false!

Practically all my friends have a Farmville Farm they work all day on.

I'm not the only one who reads "H1N1" as "Hiney," right?

RIGHT?!

The startup I founded got going last week. We got an offer from an angel fund on Saturday without even having a working model. Exciting!

The most unrealistic part of Zombieland was that they didn't stop and gas up that Hummer every 10 miles.

Does anybody want to go see a Zombie Matine today? A "Zombine," if you will.

Google Voice transcriptions = Mad Gab 2.0

Google Voice transcriptions = Mad Gab 2.0

"ZombieLand" is a movie about Glen Beck supporters, right? #tcot

I sent out Google Wave invites to everybody in the world.

Yes, even you.

If foursquare recognizes me as the mayor of city hall, is that legally binding?

Favorite pasttime: Reading everything I see in quotation marks in a really sarcastic voice.

I fell into a burning ring of pliers.

We're playing the Indiana Fever, or as I like to call them: "Swine Flu."

Somebody just ALMOST dunked, it was intense.

I'm probabaly not the first to go to a WNBA final by myself right? Butch lesbians get stood up too.. right?

Guys?

Uhhh.. I guess I'm going to this WNBA playoff game by myself. If anybody wants to come call/text me I have extra tickets :| 602-412-1942

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to phish and you get him lots and lots of MySpace passwords.

Nissan also has an SUV called the "Quest." If you trade your Quest in do you get gold?

Why would Nissan name their big SUV after something sneaky like "Rogue?"

Should have gone with "Orc" or something...

Saturn is being shut down by GM? First Pluto, and now this?!

Who's in charge of waking up Billie Joe Armstrong today?

.ly domains from Libya are $75/year.

You'd think with that maybe they could afford to put something on their flag.

Your move; Libya.

Are we going to have to make a swear jar for "that's what she said?"